“Boring women have clean houses”

I have two friends coming for dinner tonight and both of them have very clean, ordered houses so I thought I had better do some cleaning before they got here.  As I worked my way through the rooms that will be on show later on, I made some observations that might worry you, or make you feel better about yourself, or even move you to donate to a fund that would pay for a cleaner.

I noticed that there are brown drips down all the cupboards in the kitchen.  I noticed that the floor around the fridge is sticky.  I observed that even after being hoovered the carpet looks dirty.  There is thick dust between the stair rails, and the window sils are popular with dying insects.  The table cloth is crumby, the cushions have dried food stains on them, the microwave is a health hazard and the hall table conceals a vast array of junk mail sent to previous occupants of this address.  There is a screwdriver on the floor in the sitting room that has been hanging around for the last week, and a sweatshirt over the banisters.  There is one shoe, just a little too big for Alexa, on the table.  I don’t know where the other one is.  And instead of dealing with any of the aforementioned issues, I am sitting here writing about them.  Thank goodness for atmospheric lighting and culinary competence!