Like many girls, I have a bit of a story to tell when it comes to eating and the consquences of my eating on my body. I am hesitant to talk about this, because it is still very much a live issue for me, but I believe that sometimes being open about failures can have a positive impact even if only to remind all of us that we aren’t alone.
I am not confessing here to a full blown eating disorder. I don’t have anorexia or bulemia. What I do struggle with is over-eating, comfort eating, secret eating, obessive eating and a weight that has been fluctuating between 12 stone 2 and 9 stone 10 for eight years. I am really ashamed writing that.
What I want on one level is to get to 9.10 and stay there. But on a deeper level I want to be in a place where I can enjoy a good meal in good company and stop eating when I’m full. I want to model to my beautiful little daughters a healthy and joyful approach to food and to body image. I want to stand before God without the shame of my greed and be satisfied more by his love than by chocolate cake.
I have come to the end of a truly lovely summer travelling, seeing friends, celebrating weddings and birthdays and sunshine. And I’m gutted that I have 10 extra pounds of fat as a result.
Right. I’m off to have lunch (smoked salmon and scrambled egg: yum!). I will say grace before I eat, because as much as I struggle with it, I know it is a gift from God and I plan to keep trying to gain his perspective on it.