(photo credit: KimTheWolf)
Today I am teetering at the top of a downward spiral. I could jump on the ride and whizz all the way down. It would be easy. It has been a busy, busy few weeks. There’s no let-up in sight, and I have a stress pain in my right shoulder. I’m tempted to catastrophise. Little half formed thoughts are darting through my mind- “I can’t cope with everything. I am going to let my children down. What am I going to do about school holidays? Where do I begin with everything I have to get done? I am going to lose my friends because I don’t have time for them.”
Breath in, breath out.
This morning I read this from “The Divine Conspiracy” by Dallas Willard (I’ve abridged two pages here, to give you the juiciest bits- his words in bold):
“what simply occupies our mind very largely governs what we do… Of all the things we do, we have more freedom with respect to what we think of, where we will place our mind, than anything else….” Right. So those thoughts- I don’t need to have them. I can choose to think other things. I am free to do that.
“ …one main part [of discipleship] and by far the most fundamental, is to…[keep your mind] directed to God. When this is adequately done, a full heart of love will go out toward God, and joy and obedience will flood the life.” And what shall I think about instead? God. I will think about how he is with me, by his spirit, right here and now. And about how he gives peace that passes understanding.
I am backing away from the top of the spiral. I am breathing. And I am exercising the freedom I have to control my mind and choosing not to panic. Just waiting for that flood of joy and obedience now…