You know you are a foreigner when…
– the food is put on the table and you are the only person who thinks roast pork, peach jam, pickles, mashed potato, bread and creamed cabbage is a funny combination.
-you think you must have shrunk because everything from fridges to milk containers to roads to bagels seems twice as big as you are used to.
-you get a movie out thinking it is a normal kind of movie and it turns out to be a thinly disguised evangelistic sermon, encouraging people to turn to Christ to save their marriages. There is nothing on the box to warn you of this: I was offended and I am a Christian!
-you go into a shop and it is so big you can barely see from one side to the other let alone walk all that way
– you discover that the Easter bunny hides eggs and leaves children an Easter basket full of chocolate and pressies. Where was this Easter bunny when I was a child??
– you have giant grilled steaks and they came out of the freezer where the rest of the cow is kept (it is an American sized freezer) and it is the first time you ever realised that it is possible to buy a whole dead cow
-you drive absolutely everywhere and forget how to use your legs even though everyone else is doing the same thing and seems to be doing fine
-you open your mouth to say something banal and everybody listens with rapt attention and then tries to mimic your “cute accent”- it is not you that has the accent. It is everybody else that has one.
-you drive for six hundred miles and for most of it the car is on cruise control because the I94 goes in a dead straight line the entire way and you barely see any other traffic- this strikes you as worthy of comment, but really it is just to be expected.
I am really enjoying the feeling of being completely out of my normal environment, and it has been truly wonderful seeing our American family- I wonder what they would make of Chalfont St Peter?